Microediting

Thursday was my first time to do microediting. Usually when I do editing, I focus on the lead, end and the whole structure. But for this time, I focus on each sentence and I found using small card to cover the article is really helpful. But I have to admit that gramma is not what I’m good at so I didn’t do too much on it. Also, it’s always interested to read other’s article. I can also learn from other’s work.

Lede

The snow burst through the trees with no warning but a last-second whoosh of sound, a two-story wall of white and Chris Rudolph’s piercing cry: “Avalanche! Elyse!”

This is the lead from the story “Snow Fall: The Avalanche at Tunnel Creek by John Branch”. It is a scene setter lede, descrbing the scene when avalanche happened.I like lede with action and suspension. I like this lede because it gives me a feel of watching movie. The scene is vivid. Through the author’s description, I can image a pitcture in my head. Also, the lede makes me wonder what happened next to Elyse, one of the main characters in the story.

Interview postmortem

I find the biggest problem about my record is timing. I interviewed Lisa for about 7 minutes and it was really hard for me to cut it in 4 minutes.

Lisa was a really good interviewee and she provided lots of useful information, but there were still some sentences I thought was not really important. Cutting these sentences was really hard. For example, Lisa may say five sentences to answer one question, but I only need the first and the third sentence. However, if I cut the second sentence, her voice doesn’t sound natural, especially if there is no pause between the second and the third sentence.

Also, we did the interview in MLC. I thought it should be quiet, but there was a guy kept typing when we did the interview. I think the sounds of typing is little bit noisy.

Another problem is that when I record my voice, I didn’t know how to control my breathe, so I had to spend a lot of time to cut these breathiness.

If given another chance, I think I will ask Lisa has she ever talked her passion with her family and do they support her.

Voices

The article I chose is “Midnight in the Garden of East Texas”. The article is about a murder case: the town’s richest and snootiest widow was murdered by an acknowledged good guy. The odd thing is that even the guy murdered the widow, people in the town still think the guy is a very kind and nice guy.

Voices are as follows:

District attorney Danny Buck Davidson: He represents a outsider. He was surprised about Bernie’s good reputation, and he tried to tell everyone that Bernie is an accomplished actor who pretended to be a nice person.

A waitress: she thought Bernie is a sweet man.

Someone else: also thought Bernie is a nice guy.

One man: he thought it is hard to believe that old Bernie kill a person.

A woman: she didn’t even care about Mrs. Nugent, the victim, and thought Mrs. Nugent was mean.

Carthage’s congenial Methodist minister, the Revened E.B. Beasley: he thought Bernie still need prayers.

City councilman Olin Joffrion: Joffrion didn’t gave his voice, but just state what he saw.

One woman: she thought Bernie is the first on the list of people she knew were going to heaven.

Other woman came up tho the district attorney: she prayed for Bernie.

KGAS owner Jerry Hanszen: provide background information about the town.

Don Lipsey, former owner of Hawthorn, who had hired Bernie: he said Bernie showed no romantic interest in women at his age.

Bernie’s sister: she thought the loneliness Bernie went through in his childhood made it his calling to serve people.

Paula Carter, a fellow church member and a counselor at the high school: she thought Bernie brought a lot of compassion to the town.

Lloyd Tiller, one of Mrs. Nugent stockbrokers: provide his thoughts towards Mrs. Nugent.

A close relative of Mrs. Nugent: said Mrs. Nugents seemed to lapse into a low-level clinical depression.

A teacher at the high school,

A close relative of Mrs. Nugent thought Bernie enjoyed Mrs. Nugent’s money.

Bernie’s sister said Bernie was a buyaholic and found himself living a dream after he becoming friends with Mrs. Nugent. Also, she recalled that Bernie said Mrs. Nugent was controlling.

Ruth Cockrell, Mrs. Nugent’s first cousin said she doubt Bernie but didn’t know who to talk about because Bernie was so beloved.

audio profile

Photo Package

The photo package I chose is about a village of left behind children in China shot by a Chinese photographer Liu Feiyue. Growing up in a happy family, when I first knew the story of left-behind children, I was shocked. I couldn’t image what I would be if my parents were not accompany with me. When I saw the crying face of Lingling, my feelings are hard to express. I understand their parents’ choices, but I also feel sad for the left-behind children. I think this series photo is really powerful. The touching children’s faces can help to raise social awareness of the left-behind issue, and probably help the solve the issue.

I think the caption help a lot for people who are not familiar with the topic to understand the story. What I admired is that the photographer only described the situation with plain words. Since the story itself is maudlin enough, no extra words needed.

I really like this kind of photo which reflects serious social issues. It can help to improve the society to be a better one.

Brainstorming List

20 story ideas

The story of an American girl who had eating disorders but now recovered.
The story of a Chinese girl who had eating disorders.
A tragic story caused by eating disorders.
How to treat eating disorders.
Comparison between China and America about how eating disorders are viewed and treated.
How does the social perspective affect the treatment of eating disorders.
Interview an eating disorders organization in China.
Interview an eating disorders organization in America.
What is the relationship between culture trend and eat disorders.
New trend in eating disorders therapist.
From the perspective of professional nutritionist, does the “so called” weight loss recipes really work.
A story of a girl who successfully lose weight through healthy way.
New research about eating orders. Do the eating orders related to gene?
Which area has a high rate of eating disorders and why?
Eating disorder statistics.
What eating disorders program can help patients.
Eating disorders and suicide
School stress and eating disorders
Eating disorders and self control
Fashion trend and eating disorders

Profile

The story of an American girl who had eating disorders but now recovered. Why did she have eating disorders. How did she found she had eating disorders. How did eating disorders affect her life. How did she fight with eating disorders? How did she get recovered.

Sources: Eating disorders recovery center in Athens. Professional psychologist and professional nutritionist in America. The subject’s family and friends. Eating disorders organization in America.

The story of a Chinese girl who had eating disorders. Why did she have eating disorders. How did she found she had eating disorders. How did eating disorders affect her life. How did she fight with eating disorders? How did she get recovered. Make a comparison with the American girl’s story.

Sources: Eating disorders recovery center in China. Professional psychologist and professional nutritionist in China. The subject’s family and friends. Eating disorders organization in China.

Trend

What is the relationship between fashion trend and eating disorders. Culture can plays an important role in shaping society’s beauty standard, which can then affect how girls view their body. I want to examine several country’s culture and to see is there any relationship between culture and eating disorders.

New trend in eating disorders therapist. Statistics has long time shown that eating disorders are related to gene, but scientific proof is missed. What are the new trend in eating disorders research and therapist are the question I’m going to explore.

Sources: professional biologist and professional psychologist

Pick-em

Using the statistic to tell the story. Which area has a high rate of eating disorders and why? Examine the relationship between culture and eating disorders.
New research about eating orders. How does the new research forecast the future of eating disorders.

Budget critiques

All the budgets fail to answer the “so what” question, which is mentioned in writing tool 40. In “Rush”, the author said he/she think the topic would be interesting, but the author didn’t explain why the reader will be interested in the topic. Also, as for me, I would ask why should I care about the barre exam or the dancers?
The whoevers and Dance Revolution failed to come up with solid story idea. In the whoevers, the author raised a series interesting questions, but didn’t mention the main theme and angle of the article. In the Dance Revolution, the author only introduced the background information of stunts but didn’t mention what story he or she is going to explore. Does the author only want to introduce the stunts? Or the author wants to explain why the trend raised? Or the author wants to explore the effects this trend would cause?
Except the Rush and Dance Revolution, the rest budgets lack of interview sources.
All the budgets didn’t mention what tools do they need to build the story. I think the method of “saving string” mentioned in writing tool 44 is really useful.