Author: sjarrett

Macroediting

Overall, I found it difficult to separate microediting from macroediting. I can understand separating them for the purpose of class discussion, but in my (albeit limited) experience, micro and macro editing tend to happen at the same time. You might read through once just looking for grammar while letting macro questions simmer in the back of your mind, but I’m not sure it’s possible to totally separate them. For example, when I was working with Rachel I tried to focus only on grammar, style, etc., but found myself thinking here and there “I wonder if she could include more on this” or “she could probably do away with this.” Similarly, while working with Lisa this week, I tried to limit myself to thinking about big-picture questions but could not stop myself looking for little grammatical errors. I felt overall that trying to separate these types of editing into two completely different exercises was not tremendously helpful.

Microediting

Rachel and I worked together to edit our profile pieces. All editing aside, I was interested to read her piece because it was about a local apparel company I had considered writing about myself, but decided against it. I learned a lot from her article!

I think we also learned a lot just from talking with each other about how we both tend to write how we talk, how hard it is to work against an 800 word limit, and how we invariably uncover information while reporting that could be a story in and of itself.

As far as the technical elements of our editing session are concerned, I found the index cards helpful, but will probably not highlight adjectives and adverbs in future. For a compulsively literal person such as myself, the instruction to highlight all adjectives and adverbs results in a page that is almost entirely yellow, because you have highlighted words that are grammatically adjectives, but obviously cannot be taken away (ex: the “social” in social medial. So that was too much for me. But because I can be a little all over the place while editing (and writing), I appreciated how the index cards made me focus on only one or two lines at a time.

Structure Advice

I chose to read “The Afterlife of a Ballerina,” which discussed prima ballerina Alexandra Ansanelli’s surprising decision to walk away from her career in dance at the relatively young age of 28. As someone who grew up idolizing stories about her in issues of “Young Dancer” at my own ballet studio, I was surprised on an almost punch-in-the-gut level to learn that she has retired.

I was, however, relatively disappointed in the article, which, to borrow from Tool 25 of Clark’s Writing Tools, I found to be more of a report than a story. It follows a narrative structure in that anecdotes are arranged in chronological order interspersed with the author’s own thoughts or research, but it reads like a report. Clark says that you “use [a report] to render information, and [a story] to render experience.” I found this piece to render more information than experience, detailing Ansanelli’s rise far more than what surely must have been an emotionally fraught decision to walk away from her career. I was missing the why, and the how. Perhaps I am projecting too much of my own experiences onto Ansanelli, but when one has trained for years in a very demanding art, walking away is incredibly hard. The author details why this is hard for a dancer in the general sense (most dancers have no other formal skills or training to fall back on), but I would have appreciated learning more about Ansanelli’s particular experiences. I think the basic narrative structure the author chose for this piece could convey such information perfectly well, but just as we have been finding in our food exercises, what truly makes a story is all the personal detail that brings a scene alive.

Outline

  1. Lede
  2. Indiana burial law and Collins Jr. history
  3. Begins digging
  4. More digging
  5. Day of the funeral
  6. Funeral motorcade
  7. Entering the cemetery
  8. Casket removed from hearse. Description of vault.
  9. Prayer and music at funeral
  10. Shots fired in unison
  11. Genuine vs fake buglers
  12. Taps
  13. Should you close your eyes?
  14. Return to grave to fold flag
  15. “He had kids”
  16. Folding flag, hands shaking
  17. Folding flag, shells inserted
  18. Flag inspected
  19. General attending funeral
  20. “It’s ok not to be fine”
  21. Approaching Missie
  22. Presenting the flag
  23. Meaning of the folding of the flag
  24. “This flag is presented on behalf of a grateful nation and the United States Army in appreciation for your loved one’s honorable and faithful service.”
  25. Service owner, mourners leave
  26. Collins buries the body
  27. Gail Bond sits at church
  28. Needs a cigarette
  29. Bond’s losses
  30. Those who remain (in the church)
  31. Why they came
  32. What one could learn about Joey
  33. David and Tim Barclay introduced
  34. 3 mile procession assembles
  35. “the biggest we’ve seen”–decide to shut down highway
  36. The Patriot Guard
  37. Sergeant Charles Dunaway (who carries medals and accompanies hearse) introduced
  38. Procession begins
  39. Townspeople observe
  40. Joey used to work at the steel forge and looked like that mechanic
  41. Joey’s best friend Ryan Heacock
  42. How they became friends
  43. Helping each other out
  44. Would sell Joey my paintings
  45. Designing Joey’s tombstone
  46. Pulled onto the interstate. More mourners
  47. “I can’t even tell you what that meant to our family,”
  48. Tough times and tough love
  49. Went to Jacksonville
  50. Ryan visits Jacksonville
  51. Asks to come back home
  52. Joey comes home. Gets a job, gets back with Missie
  53. Not making ends meet, joins the Army
  54. “He always thought a whole lot of Micah,” Ryan said.
  55. Army suited him
  56. Last visit and last picture at Christmas 2006
  57. “When he got ready to go on the plane, I thought, You’re standing so tall, you like yourself, you’re proud of yourself,” she said.
  58. Coming home in a different way
  59. Open the casket
  60. Family looks at the body
  61. Mason ring, realize hand is missing
  62. Jim Staggers, Army chaplain
  63. Honorable transfer
  64. Staggers confronts grief, calling to be a chaplain
  65. “What would I want for my wife and kids if I were the one not to make it back?”
  66. Preparing the family
  67. Deducing from the weight of the casket
  68. Game face
  69. “Pick out a flower”
  70. Pallbearers withdraw
  71. Psalm 46
  72. Missie weeps
  73. “Daddy’s here.”
  74. Staggers weeps
  75. “You can’t deny your humanity.”
  76. Signals honor guard to transfer casket to hearse
  77. Procession begins, honor guard departs
  78. Preview of 2 men’s future
  79. “Steve Greene picked up the phone in late November 2006. It was the Pentagon.”
  80. Greene and Kalitta Charters
  81. Soldiers’ remains  formerly shipped like parcels, introduce John and Stacey Holley
  82. Holley Provision
  83. “Auditioning” Kalitta
  84. Kalitta prepares for duty
  85. Kalitta crews
  86. “Once you’re in the plane, you’re just flying”
  87. Common/uncommon routes
  88. Carrying Joe Montgomery
  89. “The smaller the town the bigger the turnout”
  90. “Always”
  91. Negative experiences on first flights
  92. Busy time in May
  93. Unbuckle from seats
  94. Family sees the casket
  95. “That was the hardest part”
  96. Why Linton doesn’t stand in the open door
  97. “Some flights Jones and Linton remember more clearly than others”
  98. Introduce Major Cory Larsen
  99. Charles C. Carson Center for Mortuary Affairs
  100. “Some people are broken here,” said Karen Giles, the director of the Carson Center. “But there are a lot of repeaters. We’re very protective of each other.”
  101. Describe Giles
  102. Describe the center
  103. “It includes, in part”
  104. Lists of deceased in various conflicts/tragedies
  105. Operation Iraqi Freedom names, including Montgomery
  106. Montgomery still in aluminum transfer case
  107. Explosive Ordnance Disposal Room
  108. Unpacking the case and logging body/effects
  109. “No personal effects were found on Sergeant Montgomery’s body”
  110. Counseling and meditation
  111. Chaplain David Sparks
  112. “The chaplains are back there with us every single day,” Larsen said. “Everyone appreciates that.”
  113. Montgomery officially identified
  114. Autopsy begins
  115. Autopsy findings
  116. Embalming suite
  117. Mortuary practices
  118. “viewability”
  119. Mortician “puts Montgomery back together”
  120. Anecdote from Sparks–“His mother washed his hair the first time, and I’m washing it for the last time.”
  121. “It’s very intimate,” Sparks said. “Preparing remains is a very intimate thing. This is hands-on.”
  122. Placed in casket/dressed
  123. Karen Giles anecdote (cremated soldier)
  124. Draping the flags
  125. Introduce Major General Richard P. Formica
  126. Requirements about generals
  127. Boeing 747
  128. Waiting for the plane
  129. Religion
  130. K-Loader/Red Carpet
  131. Honor guards march to jet
  132. Different planeloads
  133. Moving cases
  134. Sparks’ prayers
  135. “But on this evening, his voice was strong and clear”
  136. Prayer
  137. “We are proud to welcome home these fallen heroes, to share the grief of their families, and to offer our honor and respect.
  138. “Now, as always, we pray for a time when we are not cursed by terrorism and when young men and women do not die in war.
  139. “This we pray in the name of the Prince of Peace.
  140. “Amen.”
  141. Carrying cases off the lift
  142. “This is the most important thing I’ve ever done,” Sparks would say later of his job here. “I may never do anything more important.”
  143. Driven to mortuary
  144. Introduce Staff Sergeant Terry Slaght
  145. KIA
  146. Finding out Monty was dead
  147. “I should have been there.”
  148. Baghdad International Airport
  149. Body transferred from helicopter
  150. Identifying the body
  151. Montgomery’s and Slaght’s travels
  152. Micah Montgomery hears news
  153. Micah calls his aunt
  154. “Hi, A.V. It’s me, Micah.”
  155. “I know…. Why are you calling here?”
  156. Unlike his brother, Micah rarely called home from Iraq and never called Vicki. Her heart had begun to pound.
  157. “It’s about Joey.”
  158. “What about Joey? Is everything all right?”
  159. “No,” he said.
  160. Asks Vicki to go to Gail’s house
  161. Wives begin to gather in Alaska
  162. The wait for news
  163. Vicki arrives at Gail’s
  164. “No, no, no, no, no, no…” Gail said, beginning to cry.
  165. Vicki began to cry, too.
  166. “Which one?” Gail asked.
  167. Vicki could only mouth the word: “Joey.”
  168. Phones begin to ring
  169. Ryan calls Missie before she knows
  170. “Missie,” Ryan said, “I’m so sorry.”
  171. Then Ryan heard the clatter of the phone on the floor.
  172. Women help Missie. “A second round of waiting”
  173. Official news arrives for Missie
  174. Gathering of neighbors and family at Gail’s
  175. “At four o’clock in the morning, there came the knock at their door.” (Gail)
  176. Sgt. Montgomery, night of his death
  177. Everyone in the truck
  178. Thinking about phone conversation with family
  179. Speaking with Missie when he heard an explosion
  180. “Oh, my God, I’ve got to go,” Joey had said, and he’d hung up
  181. Anxious wait
  182. “I’m ok” email
  183. The drive
  184. Turn onto Red Wings
  185. Road turns to dirt
  186. Patrol Base Red
  187. Confirm night’s mission
  188. “If he didn’t have Copenhagen, I don’t think he would go on the mission,” Ross said later.
  189. Farmer’s cache of weapons
  190. Roles assigned
  191. Moving out
  192. Walking down the road
  193. ADA ruins
  194. Rudberg tells Montgomery to slow down
  195. Path in the grass
  196. “Two sounds broke open the night:
  197. “Crack, then BOOM.
  198. “It was impossibly loud, “the loudest noise I’ve ever heard in my life,” Goodwin said.”
  199. Ross and Gilliland fall
  200. “Ross couldn’t hear Gilliland yelling at him, “Ross, are you hit? Ross, Ross!”
  201. “Gilliland thought it was Ross who’d been hurt.”
  202. “Then you two started screaming his name,” Meeks recalled later.
  203. “We couldn’t see Monty,” Ross said.
  204. IEDs often planted in clusters
  205. “Come in 11”
  206. Can’t find Monty
  207. M4 stripped down by the force of the blast
  208. Grab hold of what felt like a uniform
  209. “That’s when he saw Sergeant Montgomery. His eyes were open, but his body stopped at the waist.”
  210. “I knew he was gone,” Gilliland said
  211. “Ross staggered over and saw him, too. “There was nothing we could do. We just knew.”
  212. “I remember seeing his blank stare,” Rudberg said. “It’s all so surreal, too, because you have to see it with that fucking night vision.”
  213. “It doesn’t look good”
  214. They never found all of him
  215. Taking turns carrying the stretcher
  216. Only Gilliland refused to be spelled
  217. Just kept walking
  218. “No one spoke.”
  219. “Some of them were in shock.”
  220. “All of them were covered in blood.”
  221. Meet with a sniper team
  222. Medic puts body in bag
  223. Drive back to Falcon
  224. Someone breaks news to Micah, he leaves for home
  225. Bostick only spoke with Micah after his own brother dies
  226. Drove through gates of Falcon
  227. “That’s when I lost it,” Meeks said
  228. “That’s when most of us broke down,” Ross said. “I’ve never been that emotional in my entire life.”
  229. Chaplain identifies body
  230. Prayer
  231. Burn uniforms
  232. Last time the platoon saw Montgomery

Ledes

“The Hillary-for-prison sign outside Mine Lifeline on Main Street was so enormous that it attracted attention, even though its message was so ordinary in Logan County, West Virginia, that the sign seemed festive rather than threatening.” 

This is the lede from a story I chose called “In the Heart of Trump Country” by Larissa MacFarquhar of the New Yorker. The piece examines the lives, culture, and rationales of rural communities in West Virginia that are almost uniformly Trump-supporting.

I chose this piece because I was intrigued by the title, which is both succinct and expressive. We cannot deny that support for presidential candidates is linked with geography and culture (just think about Athens is the small blue dot in a red state), and I was interested to learn about what economic and cultural factors draw people of West Virginia to support Trump.

I believe the lede for this story can be called a scene-setter, as it paints a picture of life in the rural area about which the reporter is writing. Even when the lede is removed from the picture accompanying it, the mental image conjured by that first sentence creates a glimpse of a world unfamiliar to many readers. What has contributed to a hatred of Hillary Clinton so strong that a “Hillary for prison” sign reads as festive?

The lede, for me, did scream “J.C. listen to this.” Perhaps this is getting more political than is appropriate for class purposes, but I will admit for the sake of this blog post that my blood boils at the very mention of Trump. But to learn about his appeal from an article (rather than, say, my grandpa, whom I love dearly but cannot handle discussing politics with), was informative and even humbling.  It is easy to only seek out “journalism” that supports our preconceived ideas and beliefs (especially during election season), but this article represents all the good that can come from taking the time to learn about why others believe what they believe.

Interview Postmortem

Many of you have stated that you began your “interview postmortem” analysis as soon as you walked out the door. I think I can (somewhat jokingly) say that I began mine during the interview, for one thought I had as we were conversing was “I hope the mic is picking this up ok.” I had tested my mic before we began and I was sure it was recording, but Maryann possesses a voice that is both charming and very soft. I remember feeling uncomfortable with reaching over and adjusting its clip on her collar myself and not wanting to interrupt her by asking her to adjust it. But when I listened to the audio later, I wished I had sucked it up and done at least one of these things (or simply asked her to speak up a bit), because though the audio was certainly usable, there were moments where her voice trailed off towards the end of a sentence that were slightly hard to make out, and my voice sounded louder than hers even though I was not wearing the mic. (I know I’m loud, there’s no need to tease me about it.) So that’s something I wish I had done differently.

As far as content goes, however, I think our interview went well. Perhaps because we found that her passion was in fact a mutual interest, our conversation flowed quite naturally aside from the obligatory stifling of “yeahs” and “mmhmms” that punctuate most non-recorded conversations. I was proud of myself for only getting overexcited and talking over her once. I freely admit that a large portion of my relative success was Maryann herself, who is exceptionally articulate and was handing me gem after gem on a silver platter as far as quotes are concerned. (This actually made it quite difficult for me to cut down the interview to 4 minutes, but I would much rather have to cut down than scramble for material.) I think I asked fairly open-ended questions (“Do you find your thoughts wandering in any particular direction while you work?”) and let her have the final word (I try to conclude every interview with the question “Is there anything you didn’t get the opportunity to say or anything I should have asked you?”). Overall, I would say that the only slight problems I encountered were those relating to recording for an audio piece. Usually I am recording for my own records, so while I try to keep my interruptions to a minimum, it is also not a huge deal if there are coffee cup clinks or faint traffic noises or the occasional “mmhmm” in the background. The next time I record for an audio piece I think I simply need to remember that audio quality is truly paramount and adjust my speech (and my microphone) accordingly.

Voices

I chose to read “Like. Flirt. Ghost: A Journey into the Social Media Lives of Teens” by Mary H.K. Choi on Wired. In this piece, Choi spent time with 5 teens (two of whom were twins) in different parts of the  country to learn about how teens use social media. She admits that this is hardly a “representative sample,” but I felt that the piece still provides an illuminating window into how teens interact online and through apps. When I was a teenager Facebook was the big name of the game (the only big name, to be honest), and I have not adopted many of the newer applications that have come along (such as Snapchat and Yik Yak), which I am sure makes me incredibly un-hip. It is interesting to learn through voices who have adopted these programs what has changed about social media since I was a teenager, and what implicit and explicit rules govern its use.

Voices include:

Author Mary H.K. Choi, who provides background information and links together the voices of the five teenagers she interviewed.

Lara and Sofia, twin 16-year-old girls living in Silicon Valley who discuss Instagram use and what teenagers mean by “awkward.” (Subjects)

Eighteen-year-old Ahmad from New Haven, Connecticut, who explains flirting through social media. The smiley face emoji, I learned, may not be as good as it seems… (Subject) Note: Choi uses Ahmad’s thoughts on Snapchat to segue into an explanation of what Snapchat is and does, which is helpful to non-hip individuals such as myself.

Mira from San Francisco, who discusses how social media use (and the “likes” you receive therein) influence friendships. (Subject)

Fifteen-year-old Ubakum from Houston, who discusses being in the minority as an Android user and how she uses her phone to find new diversions through sites like Reddit. (Subject)

 

Photo Series

I examined a photo series by Texan photographer Allison Hess documenting the struggles of individuals diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. I first discovered her work via an article on CNN showcasing her work with one particular couple, but when I followed the link to her personal site at the bottom of the page, I found that the photos highlighted on CNN were in fact part of a larger series entitled A Light in the Dark, which highlights patients at Country House Residences, a memory-care facility in Lincoln, Nebraska.

I was initially drawn to the images showcased on CNN because they had been shot in black and white. I am not a high-end professional photographer by any means, but when I do photography work or am looking at the work of others, I often feel that capturing images in black and white removes distractions while capturing the essence and feeling of what it is you are shooting. You find yourself looking at people’s eyes more, and at backgrounds less. I felt black and white was especially appropriate in these images because it captured something of the haunting quality of Alzheimer’s. It is a disease that robs patients of their memories and their identities, and I have often thought that hard as it is for one’s grandmother or grandfather to no longer recognize you, it must be even harder to live in that constant state of confusion and fear. I feel that these images capture some of that fear. When I examined the larger series on Hess’s personal site, I found that not all had been shot in black and white, but even those shot in color have a quiet, muted, and vaguely melancholy feel that fits well with the images in monochrome.

The captions included on CNN are purely informative in nature, though the slideshow is accompanied by an article on Hess and the inspiration behind her work. The series is arranged much differently on her site–one scrolls from left to right across the page to view the images. Informative captions are found underneath each image or cluster of images, and brief blurbs describing Alzheimer’s or Hess’s inspirations link different sections. I noticed some grammatical/structural errors in Hess’s captions which were vaguely distracting, and I personally was not fond of the layout on her site. However, I felt the quality of her photography to be excellent, its subject evergreen, and the series overall a perfect demonstration of all that can be said with very few words.

The Gist: The Great Tightening, Explained

I chose to listen to Slate’s The Gist podcast, in which journalist Mike Pesca examines current cultural and political happenings in the US. I had not listened to this particular podcast before, but enjoy several of Slate’s other podcasts and thought I might discover something new.

The particular episode I listened to was entitled “The Great Tightening, Explained.” Originally released on September 15, this episode examined the tightening of polls between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. Pesca interviewed  FiveThirtyEight senior political writer and analyst Harry Enten for this segment, who argued that though the polls may be tightening, an average of poll results reveals that Clinton still has a substantial lead over Trump. In a second segment, Pesca interviewed NPR reporter Scott Detrow about Trump’s recent visit to a church in Flint Michigan, which was highly controversial (Trump has made claims about the level of support he received while there that are not substantiated by Detrow’s recordings).

Overall, I cannot say I enjoyed this podcast. The opening of the podcast was a brief solo segment in which Pesca discussed economic recovery in the US, arguing that those who do not see it or insist it has been “unequal” are wrong. I recognize that podcasts are not “news” and discussion of personal opinion is common, but I found the manner in which Pesca handled the subject to be abrasive–shouting “you are wrong” into the microphone does not make me want to hear more. Secondly, and this is a theme I have noticed in many podcasts, the summary I read online that initially interested me in the podcast was not an accurate representation of what was covered in the episode. Yes, there was discussion of poll tightening and this segment was the longest, but it took them a solid 7 minutes to get there, and had I not been doing this for an assignment I feel confident I would have lost interest by that point. The numerous ads throughout (though I’m sure necessary to continue the podcast’s production) were also highly distracting from what was being discussed.

On a more positive note, I can say honestly that sound quality was good, there was appropriate use of music and voiceovers. Part of the discussion on poll tightening included explanations of interpreting polls, which I think was a good subject to include for listeners who may not have a solid foundation in statistics. I think many people would enjoy this podcast–I just didn’t happen to be one of them (maybe I need to give it at least one more try with another episode)

0:00-0.35: introduction, thanking sponsors

0:36-5:37: Mike Pesca on the economic recovery, including news clips at 1:04-1:16

5:38-5:52: music

5:52-7:05: music underneath ad for HBO

7:06-19:33: interview with Harry Enten on poll tightening and poll interpretation

19:34-21:23: music/ads

21:24-27:00: interview with Scott Detrow on Trump visit to Flint

27:00-28:00: thanks for listening, join us next time

28:00-28:38: join us for other podcasts