Structure Advice

I read through the piece “Obama after Dark: His Precious Hours Alone” by Michael D. Shear, published in July of this year in the NY Times. The story was a really detailed and intriguing look into the behavioral patterns, practices, and habits of President Obama. This was done in a variety of ways, and used heavy amounts of anecdotes to walk us through the president’s work ethic and dedication from his first term until now. The structure is really smart in starting present day and with a simple quote lede that hooks you from the very beginning, given the context that you’ve already read the title.
“Are you up?”

Throughout the rest of the piece, in a rather winding non linear fashion and demonstrates well the idea of seizing narrative opportunities wherever it can. Through the constant stream of anecdotes and mundane details about a high profile figure, the story really puts us in Obama’s inner circle for a moment in order to illustrate the breadth of this man’s work and character. By using small narratives, even the simple, silly ones like Obama texting his former personal aide whenever Duke loses, his family’s movie nights where they have first run films delivered by Motion Picture Association of America, and even the small inside jokes he has with staff. Shear sharply contrasts those tiny anecdotes with larger, more serious ones, like how late he stayed up the night before delivering a speech in Charleston after the fatal shooting of nine African Americans at a Episcopal bible study. By writing these personal vignettes of such a powerful leader, the writer turns Obama into a character in a story rather than just a subject, a perspective we don’t often use when reading about the president.

Outline

Part One: Indiana, The End

  • Lede, describes Don Collins
  • Insight into mind of Collins, his knowledge and childhood with Father as a mortician
  • Detail and setting mood
  • showing process of grave digging and Collins thought process
  • Next day, naming and describing funeral attending military members
  • Journey of funeral motorcade to graveyard
  • Describing those awaiting as hearse drives into cemetery
  • Describing casket
  • Describing service and sounds
  • Soldiers fire in perfect unison
  • Leatherbee the bugler
  • Describing training of army bugler
  • Quote from Leatherbee about playing with eyes open vs eyes closed
  • Lowering of casket, quote from sergeant on family
  • Huber quote about soldier’s kids
  • soldiers fold flag, Huber quote
  • Soldier places shells in folded flag
  • Dawson passes flag to older woman
  • General officer Pinckney
  • Pinckney talking about comforting wife
  • Pinckney approaches Missie with flag
  • Pinckney quote on empathy
  • Details about flag
  • Quote what Pinckney says to widow
  • end of service, lowering of casket
  • burying the caske
  • Gail Bonds recalls her baby boy and dries her eyes
  • Bonds and details of cigarettes
  • Bonds’s experiences with deaths of those close to her
  • Bonds’s attending family members
  • Describing those in the church
  • What attendees learned about Joe from eulogies
  • Procession of body
  • Barclay brothers and experience with processions
  • Barclay quote
  • Purpose of Patriot Guard
  • Sergeant Dunaway description and quote
  • Gail and Bill driving, Bill quote
  • Vicki quote
  • Joey’s life as mechanic
  • Joey’s best friend Ryan, Ryan quote
  • Ryan quote about high school
  • Joey and Ryan friendship details
  • Ryan quote about paintings
  • Ryan designs Joey’s tombstone
  • Procession down the highway with families saluting
  • Emotions of the family
  • Describing difficulties for Joey after high school
  • Desrcibing Joey living with sister
  • Ryan visiting Joey
  • Joey wanting to come home
  • Joey came home, piecing together his life
  • Joey and Missie have children
  • Joey joins army
  • Desrcibing connection to brother, also in army
  • Joey providing for his family
  • Mom’s last time seeing Joey
  • Joey being proud of self and steps
  • Details back to funeral procession
  • Opening of the casket at the funeral home
  • Gail quote
  • Mason gave Joey his ring
  • Jim Staggers, army chaplain
  • Staggers from Indianapolis with the funeral detail, honorable transfer
  • Stagger reads the bible for comfort
  • Back to present day
  • Details of the ritual
  • Describing lifting of caskets/ guardsmen
  • Describing faces
  • Details of children
  • Staggers thinking of his own wife and children
  • Details of family to approaching the casket
  • Describing family experiencing the casket.
  • Staggers holds back tears
  • Casket carried back to the hearse
  • Emotional reflection on the ceremony
  • Two of army men in the van would be sent to Iraq

Part Two: Dover Air Force Base

  • Steve Greene answers call from Pentagon
  • Greene, describing work with planes
  • Process of bodies coming back to States, Holley case
  • More details and results of Holley incident
  • Greene quote
  • Pentagon asks for same carrier service for all soldiers bodies
  • Kalitta’s ranks, hauling bodies
  • Jones, pilot, quote
  • Description of locations they fly to
  • Personnel in plane
  • Linton quote about turn out
  • Jones quote in agreement
  • Describing  funeral where neither parent showed up, Quote
  • Crowds have gotten bigger
  • Sergeant Betty checks paperwork
  • Describing Joey’s family waiting
  • Waiting was the hardest part
  • Gail Quote about waiting
  • Pilots emotional response to delivering body
  • Describing Greene and pilots
  • Major Larson worked in the port
  • Descriptions of how staff at port are
  • Karen Giles quote
  • Karen Giles context
  • Describing the building
  • Inscription from port about soldiers lost
  • Joey’s body and treatment
  • Describing process of cleaning the body
  • No personal effects on body
  • Building has both a counseling and meditation section
  • David Sparks quote
  • Arrival of Sergeant Montgomery/Joey
  • Autopsy of body, medical examiners
  • Description of the autopsy, Joey missing some body parts
  • Wounds were documented, eyes closed
  • Describing the preparation of the body
  • “Viewability”
  • Put Joey’s bodie back together as they best could
  • Anecdote of mortician cleaning one dead man’s hair, emotional context
  • Spark’s quote
  • Body dressed and placed in casket
  • Anecdote, careful preparation of a body
  • Placing of the flag is the last step
  • Major General Formica
  • Army Chief of Staff made mandatory that a general officer must attend every funeral and greet every plane landing with dead soldiers
  • Formica greets Joey’s plane
  • Group of officers waiting for the plane to land
  • Sparks quote about religion
  • K-loader lands on platform, engines shut off
  • Honor guard marches out
  • Sparks quote, emotional response doesn’t get easier
  • Honor guard moves one case at a time
  • Sparks speech and prayer
  • Cases are carried off the plane
  • Sparks quote about importance of this work
  • Formica quote
  • Cases taken to the Port mortuary

Part Three: Forward Operating Base Falcon

  • Sergeant Slaght, Joey’s friend
  • Slaght reflects on the KIA
  • How Slaght realized it was Monty, radio code
  • Slaght and guilt of friend’s death
  • Arriving at makeshift morgue at the Baghdad International Airport
  • Loaded Monty onto the truck
  • Identifying Monty’s body
  • Slaght has been awake for forty hours
  • Brother Micah one of first to learn of Joey’s death
  • Micah calls Aunt, conversation
  • Mom’s send kids out to play, await news
  • Gail and Vicki quotes, emotional reaction to son’s death
  • Missie and Ryan conversation
  • Britany quote
  • Description of reactions and gifts to death
  • Description of dangerous mission that killed Monty
  • Squad in truck
  • Monty had talked to wife and kids earlier
  • Monty and wife conversation, lettting her know he was okay
  • Driving in Iraq
  • Troop spread thin
  • Humvees pull into base
  • Monty was teased for his age
  • Captain Goodwin check the night’s mission
  • Monty’s Copanhagen
  • Farmer potentially hiding weapons
  • Quote, Monty believed in God
  • Troop begins mission, tease Monty
  • Description of walk, wearing night vision glasses
  • Bunkers are everywhere
  • Monty told to take his time
  • Explosion
  • Thought Ross was injured
  • Troop can’t find Monty
  • Found his rifle but not him
  • Gilliland finds body, missing from waist down
  • “knew he was dead”
  • Radioed in as KIA
  • Took turns carrying him on the litter
  • Couldn’t find all of him/his ring
  • Ross quote, didn’t get single scratch
  • Platoon in shock
  • Carried him for an hour
  • Medic collected all of his things on his person
  • Bostick quote, thinking about Joey’s family
  • Bostick doesnt’t speak to Micah for two months
  • Body brought to the base’s morgue
  • Chaplain leads a prayer
  • Not much sleep gotten that night
  • Last time the platoon saw Joey was the next morning

Brainstorming Ideas

Quick Story Ideas

  1. Junkman Daughter’s Brother vs Junkman’s Daughter – Athens locale versus its Atlanta counterpoint, how the recent years of the Atlanta shop can predict the future of the Athens one?
  2. State of Downtown music festivals – end of Athfest / age of Slingshot?
  3.  The competition for Athens tattoo cliental – downtown choices (Pain and Wonder, Walk the Line) vs around town shops (Midnight Iguana, Mothership, Labyrinth)
  4. The influx of trash downtown following UGA Football games
  5. Could Athens survive without football? Profit analyses of downtown business in the off-season
  6.  Athens Food Trucks – Is that still happening? Holy Crepe – Saphir Grici
  7.  The fight for late night food – 24 hour fast restaurants and is there enough/too many (DP Dough, Eddies Calzone, Zombie Donuts)
  8.  Zombie Doughnuts vs. Ike & Jane – is it even a competition against this local favorite?
  9. Terrapin buy-out
  10. Best Pizza in Downtown Athens – is Lil Italy actually terrible?
  11. Price of Athens DJs – DJ Mahogany vs. them all
  12. Little Kings Shuffle Club – will they lower age restriction with new institution of Michael’s Law
  13. Can a bookshop survive downtown? – closing of Jackson St Books / survival of Avid
  14. How to get around Michael’s Law – Where can under 21s go to hear live music in Athens (Globe, venues, restaurants, etc)
  15. Too many boutiques? Are they all selling the same clothes?
  16. Tracking what is locally made in local shops
  17. Housing development – what is the average apartment listing price now?
  18. Parking downtown – do we need another garage?
  19. Athens downtown homeless – is it better to beg or busk
  20. Nighttime street preachers – how effective/how wanted?

Expanded Story Ideas

  1. Trash and Litter After Game day – Exploring the aftereffects of UGA Football Games after the dust settles and trash is left all around. The population of Athens almost doubles on game days and that brings an ungodly amount of waste with it. UGA prepares as best they can, with as many trash/recycling cans as possible, but how does downtown fare? What clean up procedures have to be taken on the streets and how does it affect the city’s infrastructure in the long run.
  2. Athens Food Trucks – With the fad of food trucks now almost done and gone, is Athens feeling the same way? Local businessman Saphir Grici worked tirelessly to get legal permission to run his food truck, Holy Crepe, in Athens, but what ever happened to it? Has all hope disappeared as the food fad has or is he rebuilding his brand until he can launch it on the city?
  3. Terrapin Buy Out – Though there is much success and happiness with local brewery Terrapin having been bought out by a major brewing company, is all the celebration smart? Will MillerCoors allow the brewery to hold to their brand and recipes, or doing buying out mean “selling out”? Should we be wary for other local Athens breweries like Creature Comforts?
  4. The Battle for Athens Tattoo Empire – Tattooing is a fine art that is extremely expensive and highly regulated, yet Athens is home to at least three downtown tattoo shops as well as a host of other scattered across the inner loop. But which ones are in the best standing, business-wise and by word of mouth? Some shops, like Pain and Wonder, receive overwhelming praise from locals enough to also be a late night hangout, while those more scattered and looked down upon, like Midnight Iguana, face scrutiny from rumors of malpractice.
  5. Can a bookshop survive in Athens?- As historic Jackson Street Books closed this year, this would be a piece reflecting on if there’s a chance for any of the remaining stores, such as Avid or even Bizarro? Are the only sustainable bookshops in Athens those that sell textbooks or can book stores whether the storm? Is Jackson Streets closing an ending to a well loved business or the beginning of an age of electronic books?

Budget Critiques

1. The budget proposal “CAPS” offers little in terms of answers to its own questions.. By providing a short anecdote and incorporating a “broken line” as Clarke suggests in Tool 40, you could illustrate the struggle of students attempting to use CAPS and then break the anecdote with questions of how to proceed and why they are choosing to go in for counseling originally, which can address the main proposed question.
2. The proposal #TheWhoevers is nothing but questions and offers to foundational facts to begin research upon. It might to be more impactful to the reader to provide a current state of marriage and its involvement in social media, then foreshadow that all may not be well with integration of the two. Building up to the point of a dilemma between the infusion of hashtags and phones into modern weddings would present a dynamic problem that could be examined and potentially resolved by the end of the piece.
3. The proposal Rush is set up to be improved with personal experience/or even self critique in order to better hit home the sentiments expressed in the budget. To better explore the physical and emotional effects of the facility, he can insert himself into the experience and write on his own inner dialogue of the experience.