Rush:
This story idea is interesting, mostly because I think that Rush is a place that college students would like to know more about and would find intriguing. That said, I think that the writer of this budget actually could have benefited from reading Clark’s Tool 40. This is a good baseline mission statement. It gives me a list of sources, it provides insight into why the story is relevant (physical and mental/emotional benefits, stress relief), however, if I were this writer’s editor, I would want to know more about how the story will be formated. Is this a profile of Rush? Is this a trend piece about new ways of relieving stress? Is this more strictly a health story? I would want them to focus more on specifics, rather than broad ideas. I might also suggest that they ask themselves some of the questions Clark presents under Tool 42. Why are you telling this story? Have you seen evidence that students are using places like Rush as a way to relieve stress? If not, is this just a cool activity that you’re interested in at a personal level? Prove to me that what you’re claiming it’s being used for is true, beyond just the fact that exercising naturally makes people happier.
#TheWhoevers:
Needs work. This is just a series of questions that seem to lack a lot of forethought. Very little homework seems to have been done here, so I suggest Clark’s Tool 42. As I said in my response to Rush, I think asking the questions Clark mentions in this section would be incredibly useful in giving this writer a sense of purpose. What’s this story about? Is it about the culture that allows technology to be used during wedding ceremonies? Is it about the opinions of brides and grooms on cell phone use? Is it about how weddings have changed because of cell phone use? There seem to be several different directions that this story could go, and it would definitely benefit from being given one, much more narrow focus area. What is the story being told? Again, this question would help narrow the writers focus and make it easier for them to see the story that they want to tell. It would help them think about format, style and direction. I think this writer could also have benefited from Clark’s saving string tip. Talking about the culture of technology within the world of weddings (which have their own inherent culture and are also intertwined with religious cultural practices, etc) will be challenging to do well. It would be good to have some knowledge on the subject before beginning to write.
[Indian] Dance Revolution:
This budget confuses me for a number of reasons, but let me start by asking — where does the Indian Dance Revolution tie in? I see that they’re talking about stunts and dance and gymnastics, but there is literally no mention of any Indian culture or India in general. I don’t understand the connection. Moving on. This writer needs to practice a little Tool 40 and find the actual meat of the story they want to tell. Beyond that, they need to find out why this is relevant. Sure, it may be happening, but why do we care? What makes this interesting to readers? What is the point of this story? This is where Tool 42 would be useful. They did provide sources, however, and that is a good step.
CAPS:
A few things that I notice right away — is this a story about why CAPS is receiving more patients (as in, the factors that contribute to increased visits) and how they deal with demand or is it about eating disorders? I think that eating disorders would naturally tie in if they are proven to be a factor contributing to more CAPS patients, however, it feels disjointed just tossed in at the end. Perhaps it is of interest to the writer? If so, they may have benefited from saving string on the topic of eating disorders at the university. It would certainly have aided them in finding information to support the idea that eating disorders are contributing. Again, I suggest Tool 40. Tell me more about format, sources, etc. They do share why they’re writing the story (the increased number of patients), but they fail to share why that’s of interest to their audience. Are they students who might be dealing with some of the contributing factors? Are they professors? It’s always good to write with an audience in mind because that will help narrow your focus and make your writing more relevant when published.
Barre Exam:
Oh, no. My politest apologies to the writer, but this is just no good. It is like a summary of a budget, rather than a budget. I understand that it’s a trend story and that’s really all. I don’t know why this is relevant. Yes, it’s ‘sweeping the nation’ and is a trend, but why do people care? What makes it a trend? What will make it trendy in Athens or in the area the writer is working in? Why are they writing it? If it’s just because it’s a trend, what they’ve written here tells the story (and it’s not a very interesting one). What will the format of this be? How long will it be? Word count? How will they localize the story? What sources will they use? If I had to guess, I would say that this writer procrastinated a bit and could benefit from Tool 41. Thinking a little more about the story would be helpful, even at this stage.