I’m assuming each of these entries has been submitted by a different student (given wording in the assignment) and am also working from the definition of “budget” as given in Mod 4. With that in mind and from readings in Writing Tools, I’ll venture the following critiques:
- All of these budgets lack background stories from which to draw. Not only is the need for previous stories in the description we’ve been given of budgets but would also constitute the gathering of “strings” from which to build a story, as mentioned by Clark (writing tool 44). For instance, the budget for “Rush” could include stories about effectiveness of physical activity to reduce stress, stress experienced by college students, and appeal of studios such as this (in compare/contrast to other types of physical activity). The same could be said about each of the other budgets since none includes researched background.
- It seems that each of these falls short on the identifying the point of the story (writing tool 42). Rush and Barre Exam both sound interesting but the proposals come across as promotions of a particular workout trend. There is probably a bigger story that would move them beyond sounding promotional or limited in scope to say something about the fitness/lifestyle picture. The CAPS story seems more focused initially. Assuming that data upholds the statement about increasing usage of the counseling center, the questions posed are relevant and important. However, the question about eating disorders seems tacked on, without context. The proposal on the Indian Dance Revolution obviously appeals to a particular audience, which is not made clear; in addition, it does not lead anywhere. I feel bad for the teams that need help choreographing stunts … but the proposal doesn’t tell us that help is on the way. The #Whoevers story also sounds interesting but could be more finely tuned to the point. It seems to focus on couples’ and wedding planners’ reactions, which are valid questions in themselves. After all, maybe this would appear in a wedding planning publication (in which case it would also be interesting to consider how the couple would control guests use of technology!). But, a broader point could be how immersion in technology removes us from the moment, going beyond weddings to many other situations.
- Writing tool 40, from Clark, focuses on having a mission statement as a guiding principle. Having a mission helps to put individual stories within that broader framework. It’s not possible to tell with any certainty from these brief budgets if an underlying mission has been developed. However, there are none apparent in any of them. As Clark suggested, it is a good question to consider at the onset. In the case of the Rush and Barre Exam proposals, for instance, a mission statement might help place these trends within the larger fitness picture, perhaps writing from the perspective that there is something for everyone and that each person can find what works best for him or her.